You Can't Do That!

Can't do what? ANYTHING you thought of on your own!

Consider what your closest friends would say if you told them about a wonderful herbal mixture, already approved by the government's drug authority available only from dealers like you. It's a traditional MLM company. This product will reduce your weight by at least five pounds per month with no change in lifestyle, it will reduce your susceptibility to all kinds of cancer by at least 10 percent, and it is as effective as Viagra. You ask your friends for their opinion and their instant unanimous answer is "I don't want to have anything to do with your stupid scam!"

Next, you bite the bullet and present your wonderful opportunity to your spouse! Spouse says exactly the same things in a more aggressive manner and throws in other objections as well. 

It isn't enough that self-doubt about one's ability is always present, but friends, family, and spouses (or the equivalent) will pour multiple reasons why you can't work for yourself. Why is this?

According to H.L. Mencken, William James, Horace Mann, and others, as related in the article by former teacher-of-the-year John Taylor Gatto, the educational system in the US is patterned on the Prussian plan of Frederick the Great. Major objectives of the system are to produce a controllable political population and a capable but obedient workforce for corporations and other employers. After thinking about this you may or may not agree. But the damage has been done over the years; it has carried over into the thinking of churches (which have their own religious views about entrepreneurship) and our families, all of whom have come through the system. Everyone has been drilled with the idea they have to work for some entity within the system but not for themselves. You've got to help society but from within the limits society imposes, not from using your own resources.

Another barrier is the problems your acquaintances have when they see you with an opportunity to do better than they are doing. John Watson addresses this personal self-doubt in his "Obstacles to Success" article. As a martial arts instructor he had students who would almost complete the course and then abruptly quit just before acquiring their black belt. He thinks some students don't believe they have the ability to do anything because somewhere in their life they have been told they were lazy, a pushover, or good-for-nothing in such a way it lodged in their subconscious to the extent they really can't succeed. These people tell everyone around them that no one deserves success and no one can ever succeed at anything. Self-improvement is a waste of time and should not even be attempted. These people will always present barriers to anything a friend proposes that might improve that friend's position relative to their own. They always perceive a threat.

Perhaps more of a problem is the internal barrier that comes from being around people and a local society that believes one can only do what their families and neighbors have always done. This idea prevails in older manufacturing communities where everyone is expected to work for the company where their relatives have always worked. Similar ideas may prevail in farming, fishing, and other mostly rural areas where specialized occupations have long existed. 

Can these attitudes and objections from unsupportive people who are important to us be reduced or overcome? Of course they can and they must be for entrepreneurs to succeed. Please understand that EVERYONE experiences these very same pressures; some people seem to be able to roll right over them while most people fall by the wayside over one or more of these barriers. Here are some ways you may defeat the naysayers.

STUPID SCAM

Dr. Joe Rubino believes the way to answer objections like "scam," "pyramid scheme," "no money," and all the millions of other objections people throw in a new entrepreneur's face is to not answer them directly. Why? You will always get into a confrontational situation with the objector and eventually become defensive. It's the same as trying to impose your ideas on your teenager; they hear nothing you say because it comes out as "blah, blah, blah." What one must do is figure a way to involve the other person into the answer in a personal way.

Instead of a direct answer, Dr. Rubino advocates a "listening" technique originated by Richard Brooke. Using this method you ask what, exactly, is meant by the objection and carefully pay attention to what your objector says. Continue to ask similar questions to further define the supposed objection until you feel in a position to involve your questioner in a way to assure a positive response. You probably have only one chance at a "yes" so ask until you feel secure of your position. 

How well this technique works is attested by the success of Richard Brooke himself. After high school he worked at various entry level jobs including at a gas station and a poultry farm. When he was 22 someone introduced him to network marketing where he made his first million before age 30. The methods he and Dr. Rubino propose really work; have confidence in them and try them for yourself!

SPOUSE SAYS EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS

In "Tips for Dealing with an Unsupportive Spouse" Rachel Hoffman says many things can cause opposition from the most important person in one's life-their spouse. Many of the objections aren't with the home based business itself but with real or perceived results of operating such a business. This could be many things, but here are three.

Money. Usually this will be the loss of a steady income from a "real" job or failure to seek employment in order to operate a business from home. It could also be the perception that the business owner is throwing money away on things that will produce an uncertain income at best. Maybe the money could pay for a vacation, or a new car, or most anything the spouse would like. Often partners don't hold a home business in the same level of interest as the business owner. ANY expenditure might be extravagant. A well-developed business plan showing when and how much money will begin to flow will go a long way toward resolving these issues. This may require creative ideas because a business will not become profitable overnight; it sometimes takes several years.

Misunderstandings about quality time. Many couples have trouble communicating; quality time spent together talking or doing mutually interesting things is supposed to facilitate better communication. A home based entrepreneur will place great importance on operating their business; this takes time. Sometimes a spouse not involved in the business will feel neglected and out of touch with their partner when the entrepreneur is doing their business thing. A possible solution is to involve the spouse in the business in some way perhaps as an advisor or helping with office chores, accounting, mailing, or other duties.

Performing daily chores around the house. A stay-at-home mom or dad will be able to do basic requirements of caring for children just by being at home. But what about little extras a spouse may like such as shopping, running errands, preparing elegant meals, and other special things? The way to resolve this (and most other problems as well) is to have an honest unheated discussion and negotiate solutions to issues.

SELF-DOUBT

Feeling that you might not have the ability to succeed in something often produces self-perpetuating and self-defeating actions. Peggy Mcnamara refers to what she calls "creative avoidance." It causes people to do busy work or anything trivial to keep from doing things they find difficult or unpleasant, like prospecting or cold calling. This concept can be carried over to thinking people disapprove of your actions and even may apply to fear of rejection. People need to identify these creative things they do to avoid situations and figure a personal strategy to get out of the avoidance syndrome. 

Self-doubt is something completely within the control of the individual. It's up to each person to overcome any doubts they have. One important source of help is "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. Mr. Hill said "the most powerful instrument we have in our hand is the power of our mind." Another book helpful for restoring self-confidence is "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind." In this book Joseph Murphy outlines the unbelievable power within each of us. 

John Watson discusses some active techniques to build confidence. In addition to the martial arts he teaches he has participated in Tony Robbins' firewalking seminar. When you do something like this you absolutely know you can do anything. If you have doubts do what you must to cure them and move on to great accomplishments.

WITHIN THE LIMITS SOCIETY IMPOSES

When Woodrow Wilson was president of Princeton he is quoted as saying to a group of teachers:

We want one class of persons to have a liberal education, and we want another class of persons, a very much larger class, of necessity, in every society, to forgo the privileges of a liberal education and fit themselves to perform specific difficult manual tasks.

The dean of Stanford's School of Education further said:

Our schools are ... factories in which the raw products (children) are to be shaped and fashioned .... And it is the business of the school to build its pupils according to the specifications laid down.

These ideas are expressed in this article. The author, Gatto, concludes the real purpose of our required public education is to turn our children into the servants of society. This is why everybody says "You can't Do That!" So what to do?

We need to teach our own children outside the school system to be self-reliant and think on their own. Don't let others design and control their lives. The object should be to teach our kids to think in ways that showed David Farragut how to take command of a captured British warship as a pre-teen, enabled Thomas Edison to publish a broadsheet at the age of twelve, and helped Ben Franklin to apprentice himself to a printer at twelve and then put himself through a difficult course of study at Yale. When we do this there won't be objections to entrepreneurial thinking. Meanwhile we must do what it takes to replace our own doubts with self-assurance so we can drive on past those who say "No." 

DO BETTER THAN THEY

Scott Lamm shows a way to overcome objections from people who are afraid you will do better than they. These negative ideas appear instantly anywhere and at any time an entrepreneur has a creative idea. Those who have been through this several times have learned to just drive on through the negative smoke and get on with their projects. New entrepreneurs face a much more difficult situation because they must first convince themselves their idea can work. With all these "knowledgeable" people saying it can't be done the faint hearted will always fall by the wayside.

So how can you get through these difficulties? Scott Lamm says there are three things you can do:

• Take a stand that you will not be discouraged. Use the negativity of others as fuel to light a fire under you forcing you to move on toward success.
  
• Make a plan listing reachable goals.
  
• Work the plan by facing your greatest fears first and overcoming them.

Lamm says strict adherence to this schedule will empower you to overcome critics and all other obstacles. Pay attention to these ideas to work through your own hesitation.

FAMILIES AND NEIGHBORS HAVE ALWAYS DONE

When children grow up in an established manufacturing area they begin to develop the belief that the whole world turns around whatever local jobs their families and friends are doing. People who grow up in this kind of atmosphere don't know what an entrepreneur does and usually they never consider doing this kind of work. When someone comes up with an entrepreneurial idea no one knows how to handle it so they just all say it's impossible. You must have the resources of a powerful corporation behind you before you can do anything. 

A way must be found to get out of this kind of thinking. Sir Ian Wrigglesworth, a prominent public servant and successful businessman in Northeast England, overcame his early life in a community with just such a mindset that does not recognize entrepreneurship. His success shows anyone with determination can succeed no matter what others say. 

You must ignore your critics and just move on with your plans in spite of these people. You have got to have the self-confidence to do this.