Approaching Friends For Referrals & Their Business

                                    by Bill Gates

During the summer months, most of us have increased contact with friends and acquaintances in social settings. In the last week, I received two related questions from readers of The Referral Minute. One involved broaching a business conversation with people you have met in a social setting, and the other deals with asking friends for referrals. I’ll address both in this column.

Doug asked, “Bill, I have a number of friends, colleagues and other contacts with whom I have a positive, credible relationship. They know something about what I do, however, I have not done business with them. Some of them may be aware of clients that I serve, and are "impressed from a distance." Is there anything I can do to responsibly seek referrals from them? If so, what is the best approach to take?

So, how do you approach friends, and others, about the work you do, with the goal of getting referrals? One of the challenges is that they haven't directly experienced the value of your work. So basically, you are not yet "referable" in their eyes. How do you become referable with them? 

Obviously, it would be great if they became clients of yours (if they fit your profile), but let's assume that's not likely to happen in the near future—yet you still want referrals from them. I think the best approach is to sit down with them, at a time and place that are most convenient for them, and let them know what you're trying to do. First, tell them you have some ideas for expanding your business and you wanted to talk to them about your ideas and you value their help. If they don't think they'll be able to help you, assure them they will. You may have to buy them a meal, or cover a round of golf. You're asking for their help. (Don't worry guys, it’s not as painful as asking for directions.) 

At your meeting, your goals are to demonstrate the importance of the work you do and the value you bring to others. The best way to do this is by telling stories, sharing anecdotes, and providing case studies. Most salespeople, financial professionals included, overlook the effectiveness of stories, anecdotes, and case studies as ways to demonstrate the importance of their work and the value they bring to their clients. 

For a non-client to refer you to someone in their life, they have to have a very clear picture of the value you bring to others. Tell these people about the process that you put your prospects and clients through. (You do have a well-defined process, don't you?) Give them specific examples of how you've helped clients solve problems, prevent problems, and take advantage of opportunities. Problem - solution. Problem > solution. 

Then, you move into our VIPS Method for Asking for Referrals™. Here’s a reminder of our process, with a little script attached to each step:

V — Discuss the Value: "George, are you beginning to see the tangible value we bring to our clients?"

I — Treat the Request with Importance: "Great. With that in mind I have an important question to ask you."

P — Get Permission to Brainstorm: "I'm hoping we can take a few minutes to brainstorm about people you think should know about the work I do. Can we try that for a minute?"

S — Suggest Names and Categories: "For instance, I think your business partner, Barbara, might be a great candidate for the work we do. Could you introduce me to her?"

It's really as simple as that. The key is basing this on the value you bring to the table. To accomplish that, you first have to tell the "story" of your value. By the way, you will find that if you do a good job of relating the value you bring to your clients, it's very possible some of these friends, colleagues, and family members might want to become clients of yours (if they fit your profile).

The Unlimited Referrals Marketing System® teaches that every request for referrals should be based on the value you bring to your clients. With that said, I believe it is fine to ask close friends, colleagues, family members, and great clients for their help. You're asking for their help in "helping others.”

Approaching Social Acquaintances for Business

Alan writes, “I’ve been meeting some people for golf over the last few months. They’re not a close friend yet, but we get along very well. Some of them would probably make great clients. I’m not sure how to approach them for business. Any ideas?” 

As with the previous question (and life in general), honesty is the best policy. The key is how you bring it up. In most cases, you want your approach to be soft. Let me give you a short script to illustrate my thinking:

YOU: “George, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, but I’ve felt uncomfortable bringing up here on the golf course. (Optional addition: I don’t want to do anything that isn’t appropriate for our relationship.)”

GEORGE: “What’s that?”

YOU: “I do very important work for successful people like yourself. I was hoping I might be able to approach you in a ‘business mode’ to see if I may be a valuable resource for you. May I give you a call at your office to begin a ‘business’ conversation with you?”

GEORGE: “Sure. Here’s my card. Tell my assistant that I asked you to call me. She’ll make it easier on you that way.”

Something like that. You need to find the words that are most genuine for yourself. The key is to confess your awkwardness and desire not to “hurt” the relationship. Sincerity always opens doors more easily than some tricky technique. 

TEACHING POINT: The key to this type of conversation is to be softly honest and sincere. Remember, you can say just about anything you want to anybody, if you approach it in the right way. 

© 2004 Bill Cates, Referral Coach International, Inc. All rights reserved. The Referral Minute is a bi-weekly newsletter sent only to subscribers who have requested it. 

Bill Cates has a new book on referrals. “Get More Referrals Now!” released by McGraw-Hill (paperback, $14.95). This 200-page book contains all the steps in the “Unlimited Referrals Marketing System®” It also contains a special chapter on the Do-Not-Call Regulations. This book is about 80% overlap with Bill’s original book “Unlimited Referrals.” If you’ve read “Unlimited Referrals” then you will appreciate this refresher. If you haven’t read Bill’s original work, then this is a must read if you’re committed to building a referral-based business.