There Is No Second Chance... But There Are Always Opportunities

Some IAHBE readers may have experienced failures—personal or business or both. If you are in this group, you may be wallowing in a sea of guilt and self-recrimination, or you may feel that what has happened to you is entirely undeserved—and that may be true. It doesn’t change the reality of where you are. You may feel that the odds of getting out of your current situation are insurmountable, or you may be trying to solve your problems by continuing to follow the self-destructive path you’ve followed in the past.

This article is an attempt to convince you that while there may not be any second chances in terms of what has already happened, if you’re willing to be flexible and change your thinking and your outlook, there are always new opportunities waiting for you. You’ve got to be willing to move forward, however, and you have to be willing to change and open your mind.

Imagine your own “Legal Eagle” as a constant companion. In our law oriented culture, each of us has a personal “Legal Eagle” spying on us and ready to bring a lawsuit or criminal action for something performed unknowingly or accidentally.

People say everyone should have a second chance, but there is no such thing. Whatever you did is done, it’s public record, and you can never get away from it. The worst examples are murder and any kind of sexual deviation. Some cultures cut off hands and feet as punishment—no chance there. These are obvious conditions that prohibit second chances.

Conventional thinking is in denial about the impossibility of getting a second chance. There is no such thing as a second chance to get back what you lost by actual or perceived wrong-doing. You may use new opportunities to go on with your life in a constructive way, but you never can have a second chance. Your chance is gone forever once you lose it.

Entrepreneurs often have this same mindset about a second chance when they continue to experience one failure after another. After reading this, perhaps home-based business people who seem to fail over and over again will see the need for a different choice. They are in the same situation as all those in our culture who suffer any kind of misfortune or setback.

There are no second chances but there may be opportunities. These must be sought and pursued. You can never go back to your past for experience or anything else. You’ve lost your credibility. Second Chance, one of a few sites dedicated to help people get a new start after prison, substance abuse, and other personal catastrophes, is geared toward California. They appear to offer new opportunities rather than a second go at old practices which resulted in their clients’ current problems. The name choice is misleading, in my opinion, but it does reflect how most people view personal problem opportunities. This organization is affiliated with Strive, an international organization dedicated to helping people overcome life problems; all of these associated organizations seem to approach “starting over” with finding and taking advantage of new opportunities.

That’s the reason for this discussion; to help you avoid wasting time, assets, and effort trying to find a “Second Chance” to ruin your life again by using the same old strategies that failed you before. There are no second chances, only new and different opportunities you must find and use to make significant life changes. Pursuing a second chance will only result in failure to achieve your goals by repeating mistakes already made.
Whatever you may be able to rebuild will be in an entirely new system. You can’t draw on old testimonials about who you are; they are no longer valid. You can rebuild credit, but that’s not a second chance at your old habits; the entire way you handle money must change. Couples who undergo marriage counseling may continue in their marriage and even have a very satisfactory experience, but it will not be a replay of the old troublesome union. CEOs, middle managers, and other employees are often fired or terminated for a variety of reasons. Home-based entrepreneurs will fail, sometimes more than once. Most will find new and different opportunities to develop their basic or new-found skills and continue to advance their careers. These are not “second chances,” but rather they are the result of seeking and exploiting entirely new and different opportunities as they present themselves.

Practice these defensive strategies to avoid a ruined reputation:

The media seems to be succeeding in its effort to portray all males as pedophiles. There have been discussions about how people are reluctant to use male babysitters because of perceived child molestation potential. The same is true on some airlines where children traveling alone needing someone to accompany them are being placed with female attendants rather than males as policy. Attitudes like these have caused me to adopt a personal strategy to avoid any situation of being alone in volunteer situations with children, women, or old folks. In our culture people belonging to groups with insurance coverage, home health services for example, should be paid to do these things; aside from being charged with something, I simply don’t want the financial exposure. As a minister for 65 years, my father was often involved in various kinds of counseling. He never had a session with a female alone in his office or at their home; this was a good policy, because a number of his colleagues were caught up in relationships, right or wrong, by not adhering to a similar system.

All that needs to be said to completely destroy the life of someone is to dream up a believable accusation of some kind of unwanted sexual activity. There may not even be any charges filed, but a leak to the press will do the job, and legal recourse is difficult because it is very hard to prove someone did this in a malicious way. Employees and owners of day care centers have been the subject of several notorious criminal trials in past years. Some were acquitted but their careers and their lives were totally destroyed. The universal contempt for people who bother others for sex is exhibited by the plight of convicted sex offenders of any kind. Most must register where they live for the rest of their lives. People despise them and run them out of neighborhoods making some virtually homeless.

Now let’s look at some well-known examples of people in need of new opportunities and what they are doing:

Mike Nifong, former Durham, NC, prosecutor disbarred for poor ethics in the Duke Lacrosse case, is a good example of an over-ambitious politician going too far pushing their own ambitions. He has been disbarred, received a light slap-on-the-wrist jail term of one day for contempt, and now probably faces a long road of civil lawsuits. It should be evident he will never have a second chance at any kind of law-related occupation; finding and exploiting new opportunities are his best bet. We’ll just have to see what he does.
Joelle Ogletree was a Texas teacher wrongly accused of sex with three students who later recanted their accusations. The school board still will not rehire her. She quotes Ray Donovan, former Secretary of Labor under Ronald Reagan, who was charged with larceny and fraud. When he was exonerated, he comes down the courthouse steps and the first words out of his mouth were, "How do I — where do I go to get my good name back?" Ms. Ogletree also said, as we have mentioned, “People rush to judgment. Automatically, you assume guilt. If there's an allegation made, guilt is assumed.” This a terrible example of how our system often goes wrong. But there is no second chance; this unfortunate lady obviously faces many who will never believe she is innocent. She needs to forgive her enemies, but not forget who they are, and move on to something else rather than waste all her time trying to get back exactly where she was. It’s not going to happen.

Michael Vick lost much more than most people, including assets over $100 million. He has, for now, lost his promotion money, too. In his apology, he says he has found Jesus and God; presumably after such a short time, he thinks this makes everything he did right. He’s one who is actually trying to find a “Second Chance” doing exactly the same things that brought him down.

Idaho’s Sen. Craig entered a guilty plea in a bathroom sex sting to avoid jail; now he says he “intends” to resign September 30. However, he has hired Michael Vick’s lawyer to help undo his plea; if successful, he may decide to recant his resignation. This is another example of misguided searching for a “second chance.”
In 1991 Jim Bakker, former televangelist, received an 18 year prison sentence for fraud and conspiracy; in 1993, after serving almost five years of his sentence, Bakker was granted parole for good behavior. In January 2003, Bakker and his second wife began broadcasting the New Jim Bakker Show in Branson, Missouri. He has denounced his past prosperity ideas, admitting that the first time he read the Bible all the way through was in prison, and that it made him realize he had taken certain passages out of context—passages which he had used as "proof texts" to back up his prosperity teachings. It seems Jim Bakker has found new opportunities and is moving on in a different setting.

Tammy Faye Messner, Jim Bakker’s first wife not only went through many legal and personal minefields with Jim Bakker, but she encountered a new set with her new husband, Roe Messner. When he was jailed and she was first diagnosed with colon cancer, she re-entered the public eye in a series of books, movies, and television appearances. At a book signing for her best-seller, I Will Survive... And You Will Too, she made a plea for all people to grant themselves permission to cast off the things that are holding them back, to forgive themselves and others, to be happy with themselves, whoever they are, to persevere in the face of opposition, and to show each other unconditional love. After 11 years Tammy Faye lost her cancer battle this year, but she is a powerful example of how to leave the past behind and find new opportunities.

There are NO SECOND CHANCES, only opportunities.